Hello's Ray


Guess what...I play in tournaments too... crazy I know... but bear with me


Here is my tourney report from Cape Cod.

I said to Jarad (Wicketsnatcher)..."wanna go to the Cape" and he said..."Ok"

So we also get Keith (Ctthespian) and Dave (my good friend with no TMD
he is playing magic again for the first time in a year)

I leave my house in Torrington, CT at 8:30 to bring my gf Theresa (she is the
cute one who helps out at Waterbury) to work and then stop by my mom's house in
Waterbury to visit her and my nephew. I play bouncy with him on the couch and he
tried to stick a pen up my nose. ADORABLE.

Finally, I leave.

And I drive to Dave's house.

Dave's dad answers the door. It's been a long month for Dave's dad.

Dave's dad is a Philadelphia Eagles fan...actually he is a fanatic... okay...
actually... he is the only one more dissapointed in the Eagles loss than
Donnovan McNabb.

I go upstairs and hear that Dave is still in the shower so I go into his room
and surf the internet for porn.

Wait... you didn't let me finish... I was doing research on my favorite
philosopher... Jakob Mikalivich Pornosky

What did you think I meant...

So anyway... Eventually me and Dave leave...we get to Sam's in Meridan at 10:58.
The meeting time was 11:00 but neither Keith or Jarad was there yet so we go to
Webster Bank... or as I like call it... SATAN'S ASSCRACK. We wait for like 15
minutes while Dave stands behind the most unintelligent elderly woman trying to
understand what the teller was saying. We get back to Sam's and all pile in
Jarad's car and head out.

Conversation in the car is random and abstract. The majority of the trip
involved listening to Adam Sandler's "What the hell happened to me" If you have
never heard it... you must!

This not a suggestion... it is a requirement.

I expect, just like me, that you have a to do list for you life. Yours should go
something like this.

1.) Lead the Detroit Lions back to the Super Bowl
2.) Bang two lesbians
3.) Eat a 2 pound bowl of bacon bits.
4.) Listen to Adam Sandler's "What the hell happened to me"
5.) Repeat #2 when you are 71 years old
6.) Cure world hunger or masturbate 12 times in one day... whatever comes first

Movvvvvvvvvvvvvvving along....we stop at the Taco Bell near Milford, MA that we
mistakenly didn't go to the last time we went to the Cape. I nearly wet myself
when I notice they have an item called the Club Chalupa that they had
discontinued a while back. The Club Chalupa is a perfection in Mexican food. It
is a chalupa with chicken and bacon bits... IT IS AMAZING...

add to your to do list...

7.) Eat a shitload of Club Chalupas.

I ate 4 of them and a Crunchy Taco... it was a very filling breakfast. Perhaps
too filling.

So as we are eating and leaving... I share a story regarding my intrinsic
griminess. Basically, there used to be a store in Waterbury called Brass Dragon,
that used to be one of my regular stores. There was this chick named Christina
who used to work there. My brother always had a thing for her. Then the store

Flash forward to 1 year later (which was about 3 years ago). Me, Dave, and my
bro had gone to a PTQ at Neutral Ground in NY. It was Masques Block Constructed.
We all were out by the 5th round and played hackey sack for hours outside in
front of the building.

(Please note...New York City is a very dirty, muddy, dusty, smelly place)
(Also...please note that we were there in the middle of Summer when it was like
15043295 degrees out.)

Suffice to say... I was smelly and nasty... so smelly and nasty that my pits
were stained... I had dirt all over me... my hair was a mess... and overall I
felt like shit.

We get on the train and sit in seats in the middle of a car. I am taking up two
seats leaning against the wall... half lying down. All of a sudden...CHRISTINA
gets on the train! Her family just spent the day in NYC sightseeing. She grabs
the third seat next to Dave and Rich and her family sits across the hall.

My bro takes every event to flirt with Christina... he is doing a terrible job
and she is turned off by his overefforts...Dave is just being a nice guy and
mostly she is talking with him. I am practically ignoring her... even when she
tries to talk to me...


With myself now completely lying down and my feet up on a rail... Dave makes a
joke...I laugh soooo hard that I accidentally let out the smelliest, loudest,
naciest fart right in the presence of Christina and her entire family!


Christina begins flirting with me like you wouldn't believe... then... she
invites me to a more secluded car at the back of the train. We go and she tells
me about how she broke up with her BF recently and then gives me her number and
says we should get together some time. She warns me though, "DO NOT LET RICH
to a speechless Rich and Dave. Immediately... my brother starts probing me for
info. The conversation at one point goes... and I quote...

Rich-Did you get the number?
Ray-No...I don't know...I just froze.
Rich-I would have gotten the number.
Ray-I know...I'm just not as smooth as you.

Anyway... this story got us back to the car.

From here we continued our drive... I had to force Jarad to pull over once for a
stop at a backwards rest stop to fight the battle against the large quantity of
taco bell I had just eaten.

Finally, we arrive at the tournament site.

Yes... I hear you all now... THANK GOD... he's finally gonna give us some Magic
Related Content... well... just for thinking that... I'm not going to... yet...

The game store where the tourney was held is a cool place. It has comfy
chairs... free pizza... and these sick ass humongous dice (like one cubic foot
in size) that some day I will buy...even though we get above 32 people the
tournament is still run with 5 rounds... I will now rant about this

(but before I do... let me say that this is the only uncool thing that I can
think about this store and its tourneys...everything else is super)

It is suggested by the DCI that swiss style tournaments should have a number of
rounds such that you essentially play double elimination. The system is set up
so that those with less then 2 losses should theoretically make the top 8 (with
some exceptions) a five round tournament for example...5-0, 4-0-1, 4-1, and
3-0-2 should all theoretically make top 8. 3-1-1 Gives a strong chance. The
number of rounds is mathematically soundly calculated as follows.
2^1 = 2
2^2 = 4
2^3 = 8
So a tourney with 5-8 people should be 3 swiss rounds
2^4 = 16
So a tourney with 9-16 people should be 4 swiss rounds
2^5 = 32
So a tourney with 17-32 people should be 5 swiss rounds
2^6 = 64
So a tourney with 33-64 people should be 6 swiss rounds
2^7 = 128
So a tourney with 65-128 people should be 7 swiss rounds
This mathematically makes x-0-2 almost a top 8 guarantee and any large

This unfortunately did not happen here.
The tournament had more than 32 (I have heard both 41 and 34) but ran 5 rounds
anyway. Many people complained and rightly so... Keith who went 3-0-2 took 9th
place and missed the top 8 he so rightfully deserved. At one point... a player
got a warning for unsporstmanlike conduct for complaining. He argued that the TO
should extend the tourney even though the tourney was advertised as 5 rounds.
Here is how I feel.

1.) The store is completely right and justified in saying that since the posted
5 rounds... they could run their tourney 5 rounds and if people don't like it
that is too bad.

That being said... there were two points that were being argued that they were
wrong about.
2.) At one point I believe I heard one of the TOs say that "5 rounds for 32+
people is the way that the DCI says the tourney should be." This is wrong as
outlined above and according to the DCI's rules on Wizards Web Page.
3.) I also believe I heard one of the TO's say that "the number of rounds cannot
be change on DCI reporter (the program they were running). It is actually just a
matter of "file", followed by "tournament setup".

OK OK OK... on to the tournament...

The deck I played is almost exactly card for card the one that Eli Kassis played
at Waterbury on 1/17/04...for reference, he played the following:

4 Chalice of the Void
1 Memory Jar
1 Karn Silver Golem
3 Mind Slaver
1 Pentavus
1 Ancestral Recall
1 Time Walk
2 Cunning Wish
1 Windfall
1 Timetwister
1 Tinker
4 Thirst for Knowledge
1 Fact or Fiction
4 Force of Will
4 Goblin Welder
1 Wheel of Fortune

1 Tolarian Academy
1 City of Traitors
2 Ancient Tomb
4 Mishra's Workshop
4 Shivan Reef
4 Volcanic Island
1 Mana Crypt
1 Black Lotus
5 Moxen
1 Sol RIng
1 Mana Vault
1 Grim Monolith
3 Gilded Lotus

3 Tormod's Crypt
1 Stifle
1 Mystical Tutor
1 Blue Elemental Blast
2 Fire/Ice
1 Triskelion
4 Red Elemental Blast
2 Rack and Ruin

On to the Rounds.

Round 1
Chet Stagg - Playing U/R Phish
Game 1. He plays some little dudes like Spiketail Hatchling, Cloud of Faeries,
and a Standstill that I break to cast Pentavus to go with the Welder I have
already. By the time I win I have about 19 pentavites in play.
Game 2. He plays a null rod (sided in?). I try to recover with a welder, but
when he refuses to put a lotus in his bin and then casts grim lavamancer, I roll
over and die.
Game 3. Interesting game...I stupidly keep on the strength of workshop/city of
traitors/memory jar/force of will. My jar gets stifled and my workshop gets
wastelanded. A energy flux and null rod later and it's over.


Round 2 I played against b/g budget dragon.***
Round 2
James Gaffney - Playing a weak version of TPS
Game 1. I play Chalice for 1 then one for 0. WHO NEEDS WELDERS.
Game 2. I play Chalice for 1. This game is weird though...I get a shitload of
mana with Mana Crypt on the board. He has a tapped Mana Vault. He is at 14. I am
at 17. Turn after turn I take no damage (I would have won if I had Goblin Bomb
in play) and he goes down to about 11. Finally...lady luck get back at me with
the crypt and after some more frustrating turns of drawing mana and him drawing
nothing he can cast, I am now at 11 and he is at 8. The odds are close on who
wins if I don't draw shit for a few turns but he scoops. Turns out the top card
of my library was Karn anyway though.


A little word of advice here...don't play chalice for anything besides 1 against
TPS...I used to disagree but I have seen the error of my ways... I don't care
that you have welder... Play thing for 1 against TPS ASAP.

Round 3
Brian Plante - Playing W/R Pebbles with Kobolds, Ornithopter, Shield Sphere,
Enduring Renewal, Goblin Bombardment, and Academy Rector.
When Brian sat down at the table... he left his deck face up in plain
sight...all I could see was the bottom card- Ornithopter.
Game 1- I Chalice for 0. He reads the card and before even entering
his first untap step says... "I can't win"
Game 2- He plays... no chalices show, but he could kill my welder for about 5
turns with a 0 cost guy and bombardment. Instead he lets me make 30 pentavites
and kill him.


Around this time I see Kerkid playing on his play mat that he left at my house
that night I held the random party that I posted on the temp forums about. I
reminded him that I had it at my house for some time and that it was soooooooo
soft... I told him he better be careful where he puts his hands on it cause I
put more than that there. I pointed all over his mat and said..."I was here...
and here... and a little here." He went to a room with a blacklight to verify my
threat and returned with a sad look on his face.

Round 4
Ian Chandler- Playing
Game 1- Don't remember much and I didn't take notes for this one.
Game 2- Don't remember much and I didn't take notes for this one.


Round 5
Ian Chandler- Playing TNT
Game 1- He plays out a quick Welder and Juggernaut with Mox Ruby. I play out a
welder and Karn being careful to get no artifacts in my grave...I quickly turn
his artifacts into 0/0s left and right. And suddenly he has nothing left on the
Game 2- I fuck up so bad in this game I didn't deserve top 8. I start with
Memory Jar/Mox/Sol Ring/Mana Crypt. I count and this means I get 4 mana on turn
1... I keep cause I'm drawing. I draw something dumb, play Mox and Ring. Turn
two I draw Gilded Lotus. "Shit", I think... I only have 4 mana... I pass the
turn. Next turn I draw Karn... "Fuck" I think... I only have 4 mana to work with
and this deck is mocking me. I discard and pass the turn. The next turn I draw
into Gilded Lotus #2... I'm about to scream at the top of my lungs when I
realize that I am the world's biggest tool, play Jar, use it next turn, picking
up a whole lot of cheap artifacts and welders, and go on to win a game I should
not have won.


Top 8:
Rich Shay
See Rich's report.

Top 4:
Scott Limoges- Playing Gat
Scott is a great guy.... he won the Lotus at my Waterbury last time.
Game 1: Chalice for two on turn one = win
Game 2: I die to huge dryads.
Game 3: Chalice for two for game.

Jarad did a very indepth coverage of the match... which will be up soon...wait
for it.
For now I will tell you that in game one I went ballistic draw 7ing like 4 times
in one turn.
Game 2 I had the PERFECT hand with the answer to every thing he had after

The ride home was sick but long. For 2 hours of it the four of us talked about
old school Magic stories... I'm not talking Masques Block Constructed... we've
all been playing since around revised so we talked about things like, first
seeing power, pre-dci times, legends packs, first ever restricted cards, and I
brought up CLEMENTINE BAGIEU... if you know who that is... please PM and tell me
and I will have SOOOOOOOOO much respect for you as a Heterosexual Male.

By the way... who can tell me... to settle a bet... what came first... Revised
or Spellfire?

When we got about 40 minutes into CT, we stopped at Denny's. That was an
insanely fun time. I go in and immediately go to the bathroom while they all get
seated. I come back to see the three of them in a booth with the weirdest look
on their faces. "Stein guy is our waiter!" dave says. Who is that you say...
I'll tell you. Stein Guy as he is called because of a huge bear stein he used to
carry around filled with dice (though I thought it was because he looked like
Frankenstein) is a local player who was banned from my tournaments because of
strong evidence of him being a thief. Many accusations where made and things did
not end all that civilly. Well... suffice to say. You don't want someone who is
alone with your food just before it goes into your mouth mad at you. My first
though was... "what goes good with spit." All in all, the food was good except
Dave's salad dressing had weird looking stuff that to this day he claims was
soapy water from when the dish was washed. At one point Stein guy hovered over
our table for like 2 minutes WITHOUT SAYING A WORD. You have to know how scary
and scraggly looking this guy is to know it was like out of a horror movie. To
ease the tension of him and other weird waitstaff, I colored many inappropriate
pictures in the Kid's coloring books and put them back. One was a man taking a
shit... another was a penis that looked like a face.

I finally got in at 4:00 am to end a crazy day.

Jarad for driving
Keith for being so damn cool
Dave for trying out type 1
The store for free pizza
Kerz for letting me soil his play mat
Taco Bell for bringing back the Club Chalupa
Lady Luck letting me make her my bitch
Magic for having such a cool hayday

Long car rides
My ass when it is full of Taco Bell
Kerz's play mat... oh wait... no that is sloppy... not a slop
Brockton for having a power tourney the same day
Me for writing a shitty and long tourney report