Report

Let me just apologize in advance to anyone whose name or match info I Jimmy fund
in this report. Not only was I not taking any notes, I was barely conscious for
most of the weekend. Explanation follows.

This weekend of tournament going began as most do, in a bar on Friday night.
That's right; not only do I play aggro, I also bounce at a local bar. Fear me.
(For anyone who has never met me, I am actually probably the least intimidating
person ever, and I have no idea how I came to become a bouncer. These things
just happen I guess.) Anyhow, after kicking all of the raging alcoholics out of
the bar at 1AM I was finally able to kick back a beer or seven on the house
(perks of employment) and start thinking about the coming weekend. 

After a few phone calls, I managed to track down Mykeatog, Hulk3rules, and
Eastman. Drinking happened. I taught some people how to drink out of a growler.
Sleep was, for the most part, overlooked.

(Embarrassing stories omitted)

I thank god in the morning that I'm not driving up to this thing, because
although my eyes are open and I'm talking (even giving directions, due to some
vague notion on my part that I know where I'm going) I am truly still cold and
dead on the inside. What kind of human being can comfortably wake up this early
on a Saturday morning consistently? It just doesn't seem right. I think it was
Frank Sinatra that said 'I feel sorry for people who don't drink because when
they wake up in the morning, that's the best they're going to feel all day.'
Myself, I like having something top look foreword to, such as not being in a van
full of magic players, and not feeling like ass. That and smashing face with
Team Lizard Beatz (TM). 

We finally get there, and I opt to begin trading rather than do frivolous things
like 'metagaming' and 'optimizing my sideboard'. I'll leave that stuff to the
control players. As long as I get to turn big green things sideways, I'll be
happy. For reference, here's the list I played all weekend:

Bombs Over Baghdad
Created by: iLL_DaWg

Where My Dawgz At?
4 Wild Mongrel

Team Lizard Beatz^(TM)
4 Arrogant Wurm
4 Basking Rootwalla
3 Roar of the Wurm

Mad Phat & Supa' Fly
3 Anger
2 Wonder

This Tastes Like Burning
3 Fiery Temper
2 Violent Eruption

I Make Drawing Fun
3 Deep Anal
4 Bazaar of Baghdad
1 Ancestral Recall
1 Wheel
1 Timetwister
1 Walk

Lands That Don't Draw Me Cards
3 wooded foothills
3 trop
3 volc
3 taiga
1 Riftstone Portal

Lotuses (Loti?)
4 LED
1 black lotus

Bling
1 jet
1 sapphire
1 ruby
1 emerald
1 pearl
1 sol ring

Hypothetical sideboard:
3 REB
2 Blood Moon
2 Riftstone Portal
3 Pyrostatic Pillar
2 Ray of Revelation
3 Artifact Mutation

And, as always, cheering me on from the sidelines
3 Wurm Tokens (with the Trogdor the BURNiNATOR alternate artwork)

Don't it just give you that fuzzy warm feeling deep down inside? 

Speaking of fuzzy, here is my recollection of the matches:

Round 1: Phelon (Hulk3rules) playing hulk

Game 1: I beat him down to 1, then forget to deal him that last point of damage.
He ignores my subliminal suggestions to fetch a land, force something, and
flashback deep anal. Instead he plays a tog and uses it to win the game. How
boring.

Game 2: See game 1. Seriously, I die with him at one life because I didn't pitch
a land to a mongrel a few turns back. This is what I have since been told,
anyhow. All I remember is wanting to try and find some form of tobacco products
in the small town hosting this tournament, which proved to be harder than it
should have been. Between that and trading, I managed to forget about my current
scrubtastic record.

0-1

Round 2: ??? playing ???

Even if I was totally awake and aware, this match would have been confusing.

Game 1: I see land, rit, underworld dreams. That's all he plays all game. 

Game 2: I think I'm in for dreams combo, so when he goes 'land, mongoose, go' I
get confused. Like any good aggro player, when I get confused I beat things up.
I end up doing that.

1-1

Round 3: ??? playing Hulk

I have my revenge. I don't remember if it was 2 or 3 games, I just remember
mentioning Phelon's victories in round 1, at 1 life both games, several times as
I channel lots of aggression into the poor control player. 

2-1

Round 4: Chris T (BillTheDuck's little brother, Mykeatog's boyfriend) playing
Lackey sligh

Game 1: Violent Eruption = Wrath of god, targeting the goblin player. It comes
down on my turn 2 to hit a lackey, a fanatic, and a piledriver. There is no gas
left on his side of the table, I begin throwing down green things with numbers
bigger than three in the lower right hand corner. They turn sideways a couple of
times and he picks up his mountains. 

Game 2: with lethal damage on my side of the board and mountains on his, I play
a land and pass the turn. Apparently I put myself just within range of the
bolt-bolt-pop he has in hand. 

Game 3: I get a turn 1 Walla to block his lackey. I get a turn 3 eruption to
take out his team. Then I beat him up. Team Lizard Beatz (TM) > little red
dorks.

3-1

T8: Mike (Mykeatog) playing PS2

Game 1: Let me just preface this by saying that bazaar of Baghdad owns anything
playing swamps. That's just what it does. Another thing that madness rocks all
day long is Pyrostatic Pillar, I actually run it in the board because of its
synergy with Team Lizard Beatz (TM). PS2 is what happens when you put swamps and
pyrostatic pillars together into one deck, then add negators for me to burn and
discard that ends up helping me. I don't really want to talk about it, because
Mike's part of the team and all. Let's just say I won game 1.

Game 2: I actually sided in pillars in this matchup. His deck put up more of a
fight, but I still ended up taking it from him.

T4: Steve (Zherbus) playing (you guessed it) Keeper.

Let me just make this easy.

Game 1: Mana denial sure does its thing, and my deck helps it along. I see no
lands, I play very few threats. I lose.

Game 2: My deck decides to make up for game 1 by giving me lots of land, bit
none of it taps for cards, just mana. I get beat up by a bunch of goblins.

Since it's his own tourney, Zherbus announces that he's not going to take the
mox for himself, so all of the prizes get dropped down one place. What this
means for me is that I get to play the madness mirror for third place and the
second place prize. Both games were pretty similar. I saw bazaar, he didn't. I
saw wonder, he didn't. There are 2 things that break the mirror wide open, and
they are bazaar and wonder. I knew this, and made sure I got them. The best tech
for the mirror is experience.

The way I see it, I took sloppy seconds in the tournament, since I technically
placed third but ended up with the prizes for both second and third. I came out
of the day with a new English moat, and a signed morphling. Remember that,
because it comes back up in day 2. Yes, there will be a quiz later.

After a ride that seemed longer than it should have been, I left the cramped
interior of Eastman's Magical Mystery Machine and returned to the plush leather
interior of my Ak, which felt even better than usual after a few hours in the
back of a van. Although I wanted nothing more than to just go to sleep, I ended
up piloting the Ak down to Ben (SummenSaugen)'s place for tech exchange,
planning of the next day's tournament going, and a few hours of Bushido Blade.
Hammer to the face is savage tech. That's why I play Aggro. 

[continued in Poughskeepsie, NY tourney on 14 Sep 2003]